Breaking open

"I tell you this to break your heart, by which I mean only that it break open and never close again to the rest of the world."  - Mary Oliver

Where have you been so that you have fallen deeply in love with that place that conspired to crack the shell of your usual quiet emotional isolation?  Do you remember that feeling of being broken wide open, no resistance left, no hesitation to go forward, no regret that you left the hesitant, scared, ashamed, choking part of yourself?  You're free and full and deep and you can finally breathe the sunlight, taste the air, see far into the distance where you're safe and alive and full of wonder and awe....

That happened to me when Africa came into my life.  I remember it first started with watching "Wild Kingdom" as a child - all the amazing and mysterious and gorgeous animals of the wilderness there.  I waited impatiently every week for the show to come on, for the hour of escape to a mesmerizing land of beauty and wildness.  Then, I discovered the movie, "Born Free," about Joy Adamson and her husband, George, who was a ranger in a wildlife park in Kenya.  One day he was out hunting for a lion that had killed local herdsmen's cattle, and suddenly came upon a lioness that attacked them, only to find out after killing her, that she was simply protecting her cubs.  The Adamsons adopted the cubs and named the runt of the litter, Elsa, who was the sweetest and cutest of the bunch.  As we watched them grow, with their mischievous stunts and endearing affections, the Adamsons finally had to decide to send all the cubs except Elsa to a zoo in Europe.  Elsa stayed with them, as part of their family.  After awhile, for a variety of reasons, the Adamsons decided that they needed to help Elsa to go wild again.  It was the most heart wrenching process to watch, but finally she became free again and joined a pride of her own.  I remember as I watched the whole process of Elsa finding her freedom, I cried profoundly, deeply....even now, as I think about it, I feel a lump in my throat....and why?  Because for those moments, watching that film, I felt free too, free from a childhood of feeling different, strange, shy, sensitive, awkward and what seemed like on the outside of everyone else around me.  For months after watching Elsa, I played the theme song to the movie on the piano, over and over and over again.  Just recently, I looked up the words to the song....here they are:

Born free, as free as the wind blows
As free as the grass grows
Born free to follow your heart

Live free and beauty surrounds you
The world still astounds you
Each time you look at a star

Stay free, where no walls divide you
You're free as the roaring tide
So there's no need to hide

Born free, and life is worth living
But only worth living
Cause you're born free